Marriage and I Do?!

Happy Summer everyone! Let me give a heartfelt thank you, for staying with me and to my new followers. I have missed my (our) blog more than you know.

Okay the window is open, and there is not a breeze to be found for miles…have summers become hotter? Yes! The answer is a resounding yes. But what can we expect in July; anyway recently I have been taking on the role of my own guardian/wali and cheerleader. The saying “taking the matters into your own hands”, has never been more appropriate.

These are the times I miss my best friend, without failure she would know exactly what to say to cheer me up – or have me laughing endlessly at life’s ups and downs. I have told everyone possible (almost) that I am on a quest to re-enter the land of marriage. Now for all you sisters who are sailing in the same boat as I…you know the combination of oddly bizarre mixed with “are you serious?” proposals that are being offered. LOL, there is a vast space between wanting to be married and being desperate to get married.

One particular brother required that his wife “keep the television on CNN and the news only, not talk much and know her place” in his home.

Hmm, now I know sisters you are asking yourselves…how is this brother still single? Shocker I know [cough] let’s just say I am almost 99.9% certain that he is still available. Email me if you would like to be introduced (insert laughter at anytime) and I will arrange an introduction. And for that .01% who think he is perfect, then masha Allah.

Seriously I know there is compromise in every marriage and through time insha’Allah both husband and wife, will learn to exist in their own harmony. But if a person is going to be so rigid in his/her wants and beliefs, the odds of finding that harmonious balance will be limited.

Only Allah swt knows for certain if and when this Muslima will ever get married. Until then I will keep smiling and making dua’s. Again thanks so much for checking back to see if I have updated the blog. Hopefully I will be able to keep it more current insha’Allah.

Oh if you hear of any available older (not ancient) brothers who are sincerely interested in marriage…you have my email.

Keep cool and Hugs!


The photo is from www.zazzle.com  greetings cards

Are You Kidding Me!

Two posts in the same day, you know it must be something special! Okay let me set the scene. I will skip telling my morning routine and get to the good stuff.

So I turn on my mobile and computer…sorry but I need to unplug at night and enjoy pure quiet. Okay, okay! Well I hear the little beep telling me I have a message. I check it and see that my sister has started her blog once again (wink) great I think to myself.

Then I check my emails to see if anyone has missed me desperately during the night…and as usual, no one has. After replying to some emails and checking my schedule, I decide to read my sisters blog (now I am speaking of my sister in Islam) in case any of you may remember, I am an only child.

Well, I am reading and I get maybe halfway into the post and she writes the following “its official: I’m Engaged Wow…but anywho”

Are you kidding me? First you don’t just announce you’re engaged in a blog, and you sure as sunrise…don’t say it mid way through your post! I was speechless, No I am serious, for a few moments I didn’t have the capability of speech or thought.

Alhamdulillah when my brain and motor skills we back in sync, I did what any other woman does when she hears great news (especially a pending marriage) I squealed like a little school girl! I immediately called her only to hear…voice mail. But, that was best because all I could manage through my tears of happiness was “Mabrook! Oh, sister I am so happy for you…”

If I had a daughter she would be just like you…stubborn beyond words, and filled with the greatest of hearts.

Masha Allah you got engaged in your own time and you announced it in the style that is all your own.

Love you bunches
P.S. Oh my goodness, your getting married!

Ummi/sister Nazeeha

No More Vacancies

So has my mind changed about marriage? The answer is located somewhere within this post. Let me first thank all who read the first post “S.O.S. to My Brothers!” Your comments gave me some insight and after re-reading, I thought a follow up might be welcomed.

What I learned was some brothers are very supportive and even empathetic with the status of the unmarried sisters within the Muslim community. But the situation is still unchanged.

The increasing ratio of women to men doesn’t seem to be helping the situation. The sisters chances for finding the brother best suited for her, may take a little longer than anticipated...have patience and never give up believing.

Alhamdulillah fortunately I do not believe in chance. I place my trust in Allah subhana wa ta’ala. I know He will forever guide me to what is best for my life as a Muslima. The question remaining now is, what do I do in the meantime?

Recently I have spent way too much time thinking about marriage! Yes I know it is half of my deen, but right now, that half is not in the immediate future. Alhamdulillah what if marriage doesn’t happen for me, does my purpose in this life cease to go forward? No…on the contrary, while I am “single” this time is best spent increasing myself in Taqwa. Raising my level of iman and sabr (patience) because this is what is most important.

Do I still want to get married? Yes. This means complete submission. I have to know without a doubt, that if there is a brother out here for me Allah will bring us together. There are no stipulations attached to Allah’s plans for his servants, only that I (we) trust Him only and obey.

Smile, I will never say “I refuse to be a co-wife, or “I am woman enough for him.” These are statements born out of fear and possibly insecurity. How can a woman deny her husband what Allah has ordained? Or, why would a husband agree to his wife’s demand of monogamy? Allahu A’lam…a gentle reminder I (we) will have to answer for all of our actions and thoughts. Marriage does not equate to the ownership of a person’s heart. Loving for the sake of Allah wants… what or who is best for the other person.

So I have decided to evict the ghosts of marriage, which have been residing inside my mind these past few weeks. In there place will be time for me to become a better Muslima insha Allah. I keep my heart and mind open to all possibilities. If my future husband is out there, know that I am striving to be the best I can for Allah swt and the ummah.

There are no longer any vacancies in my mind, to ponder over thoughts which I have no control.

S.O.S to My Brothers!

Save Our Sisters… yes I am coming to the source. Well I am coming to my brothers. For those who follow my blog, you know I don’t like things complicated. So I want some honest feedback on this matter. Don’t worry guys it won’t be used against you in future writings, (smile) I promise.

The last few days I have been meeting with perspective husbands. Alhamdulillah according to the principles of Islam I am seeking to complete the remaining half of my deen. Now that sounds both serious and technical. It is serious…insha Allah this is a man that I pray will be with me in this life, and in the Hereafter.

After sitting and talking for a short time (there was a guardian in the home) with each brother a decision was made whether to continue the process, or decline. Let’s just say there were no further meetings arranged. My criteria for a husband are really simple…it’s the bits and pieces of life that weigh heavy on finding him.

As Muslims we can’t date, so we have our Walli or guardian arrange for us sisters to meet the brothers interested in marriage. This is where the fun begins. It seems difficult for the man to fully grasp that “marrying” is not or should not be the end of the process. Ladies want to feel a connection, and yes we can usually tell right away if there is a spark. I am not speaking about the romantic aspect of marriage, insha Allah that will come after time.

Bothers I wasn’t born a Muslim and thus, my Walli is not in my family. How does a man who has never met “me” search for my future husband? I have spoken to several sisters and this is a very disheartening issue. Yes we can go to a Masjid and insha Allah the Imam will help find us someone…but, no one is getting to know the sisters! I give my bothers credit; I know they are capable of holding a conversation with a sister without crossing the line into the haram. But come on…a guy will research the specs for a future car or new gadget for weeks comparing all the facts before making a decision. A sister says she is interested in marriage, and they simply put out a call to all available parties.

Don’t your sisters deserve better? Why are we only a consideration when the fear of sex outside marriage is looming in the air? Alhamdulillah I am asking that the brothers recommend only, who they know very well. Want for your sisters in Islam, what you wish for your daughters or your blood sisters. Jazak Allah Khairum for the brothers who are sincerely helping us in our quest. Okay I will step off of my soapbox and listen. Insha Allah this will give me some insight into this marriage process….hey and please don’t be shy. As brothers do you have some of the same worries as a sister?

P.S. For the brothers I met, may Allah (swt) grant them the best of wives who are good for them!