January 27, 2010

No More Vacancies

So has my mind changed about marriage? The answer is located somewhere within this post. Let me first thank all who read the first post “S.O.S. to My Brothers!” Your comments gave me some insight and after re-reading, I thought a follow up might be welcomed.

What I learned was some brothers are very supportive and even empathetic with the status of the unmarried sisters within the Muslim community. But the situation is still unchanged.

The increasing ratio of women to men doesn’t seem to be helping the situation. The sisters chances for finding the brother best suited for her, may take a little longer than anticipated...have patience and never give up believing.

Alhamdulillah fortunately I do not believe in chance. I place my trust in Allah subhana wa ta’ala. I know He will forever guide me to what is best for my life as a Muslima. The question remaining now is, what do I do in the meantime?

Recently I have spent way too much time thinking about marriage! Yes I know it is half of my deen, but right now, that half is not in the immediate future. Alhamdulillah what if marriage doesn’t happen for me, does my purpose in this life cease to go forward? No…on the contrary, while I am “single” this time is best spent increasing myself in Taqwa. Raising my level of iman and sabr (patience) because this is what is most important.

Do I still want to get married? Yes. This means complete submission. I have to know without a doubt, that if there is a brother out here for me Allah will bring us together. There are no stipulations attached to Allah’s plans for his servants, only that I (we) trust Him only and obey.

Smile, I will never say “I refuse to be a co-wife, or “I am woman enough for him.” These are statements born out of fear and possibly insecurity. How can a woman deny her husband what Allah has ordained? Or, why would a husband agree to his wife’s demand of monogamy? Allahu A’lam…a gentle reminder I (we) will have to answer for all of our actions and thoughts. Marriage does not equate to the ownership of a person’s heart. Loving for the sake of Allah wants… what or who is best for the other person.

So I have decided to evict the ghosts of marriage, which have been residing inside my mind these past few weeks. In there place will be time for me to become a better Muslima insha Allah. I keep my heart and mind open to all possibilities. If my future husband is out there, know that I am striving to be the best I can for Allah swt and the ummah.

There are no longer any vacancies in my mind, to ponder over thoughts which I have no control.


Anonymous said...

As Salaamu 'Alaikum wa Rahmatu Allah wa Barakatuhu.

A few thoughts: You seem almost apologetic sister. What is in the Qadr of Allah Subhanahu wa ta'ala will be, al7amdulillah. I'll just say this: be the best of you, strive to adhere strictly to the Din, and keep your heart and mind open for a change of direction ya ukhti.

For all the brothers and sisters who feel stuck (not saying you do Nazeeha)......branch out, turn over the leaf. Solitude can bring peace, trust me I know first hand....but try something new. Change breeds change insha Allah.

Love you fisubilillah

hijabandroses said...

wa Alaikum As'salam wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.

My dearest ukhti, if I seemed apologetic in this post, it was only directed towards myself. The extent that I was worrying about marriage was distracting me from moving forward.

I can only thank the brothers who replied to the post. Their truths and views of marriage are from their vantage point...male. Alhamdulillah I firmly believed and believe in the Qadr of Allah subhana wa ta'ala. My control is making the best choices for me and my deen.

The heart and mind are forever open habibty!

Love you fisubillah

Amagdy said...

That's right sister. I made the same decision a while ago and had similar thoughts.

When got determine us to be single we had to accept and make ourselves happy with it until god determine something else.

God bless you always sister :)