November 22, 2009

Back To Normal

I can probably count on one hand, the number of times I am in a bad mood. So when a case of the crankies (my little term for feeling Arrrgh!) does strike, it leaves me mentally and physically exhausted.

There must have been five or six blogs that I have started and deleted recently. The process of transferring a thought from my brain, to the screen was the battle. Not for one moment do I think my blog is being waited to be read by the masses. “Twilight” or “New Moon” it is not.

While waiting for my disposition to return to its normal optimistic self, I passed some of the time reading and enjoying the writings other bloggers. Without naming the top five blogs that I follow the most…I will say what draws me in as a reader, is style of the writing. I can know instantly after the first few lines if I will be captivated.

Aside from reading the blogs, books etc, the best thing for me has been the Salat and reading the Quran. Despite my grouchy disposition, I still needed my ritual of being a Muslim. Allah (swt) has changed my heart to the perfect balance of fear and love. It is from this balance I slowly regained a sense that everything is going to be okay, insha Allah. Jazak Allah Khairun to my fabulous sisters, who are my continuous support.

November 17, 2009

You're Bringing All That?

The first thing we do at the airport is check our bags. Arrive at our destination, we unpack and relax. So why is letting go of our ‘emotional baggage’ so difficult?

Perhaps we had dreams to travel the world. Or, after reading the latest self-help book, we are determined to fix that broken relationship (again). It could even be a negative thought we implanted in our psyche years ago. Finally, do we still cling to the words from someone who is no longer even thinking about us? For that matter, they may not even be in our life today.

I found some old cards I had from what seems like a lifetime ago. Without strolling down memory lane and playing a game of “what if”…I tore them up and let them go. They were baggage and serve no value in my life today.

Looking at our past should never evoke fear or anxiety. Alhamdulillah it is gone. No amount of worrying will change the outcome of one’s past. Make a reservation for a trip. The destination is anywhere your mind desires. However, you can’t bring any emotional baggage with you.

Subhan Allah, we are given a new day each morning insha Allah. For those of us who are reverts…Allah (swt) forgave all our past mistakes and sins when we said the Shahada. Isn’t it time we do the same for our self? Tomorrow is Dhul-Hijjah may Allah (swt) accept all our fasting and prayers. Alhamdulillah, may the reading of Surah 22 Al Hajj be of benefit to us all, ameen.

November 14, 2009

ChristmasTime Is Here...

I just poured me a nice glass of orange juice (to tell you the truth, it is not a glass. It is an old preserve jar) I loved the tiny grapes and apples around the glass… so I made it my personal goblet of choice!

Okay, after that complete example of wasted information, (smile) here is my little observation today. Christmas is outside my window. Now as you may remember I usually sit near my window as I blog. The weather and the seasons are often a source of inspiration and overall contentment

Today I glanced out the window, let me backtrack a moment first. My windows are glazed on the lower half to allow the light to enter, yet keep privacy and the top half is clear. So today when I looked out there it was, Christmas.

You name the ornament and I am sure it was being displayed. This got me to thinking about my Christmases past. Alhamdulillah, I say past. As a former Catholic I had my fair share of animated reindeer and “Griswald’s” Christmas trees. Holiday music blaring while of course, watching “It’s a Wonderful Life”

But just as the movie was only an illusion, so were my feelings about Christmas. It was the loneliest of days for me. No amount of decorating or musical soundtracks could provide what was needed most in my heart. Faith, a connection to Allah (swt) is what I desperately wanted and was years away from reaching. Each day that I wake, my first thought is Bismillah and Alhamdulillah. This is a day that is not promised but is delivered as a Mercy by Allah (swt).

I still enjoy the smell of fresh pine trees, but without the reference to the holiday. Waking up and seeing the first snow of the year. Trees and lawns covered in soft flakes. My memories now of Christmas are a reminder that Allah (swt) was guiding me.

“Verily you O Muhammad (saaw) guide not whom you like, but Allah guides whom He wills. And He knows best those who are the guided.” Surah 28:56

November 11, 2009

A Day Filled with Raindrops, and Clouds

A day filled with raindrops and clouds. Hint of winter lingering in the air. Rainy days often lend themselves to reflection. Getting somewhat nostalgic over things missed, opportunities lost.

A day filled with raindrops and clouds. The soothing rhythm of the rain lulls me to sleep. Grateful to Allah (swt) when I wake refreshed, continuing where I left off with my day.

A day filled with raindrops and clouds. The perfect backdrop for getting lost in a book, that has been sitting untouched for too long. Freeing my thoughts into my blog or, creating that recipe I saw on Food Network...and sitting down to a lovely meal.

These are some of the things I during a day... filled with raindrops and clouds.

November 9, 2009


As’salamu Alaikum

Today was a delicious day! Not as a result of anything in particular, in fact my day was quite ordinary. I have finally arrived at that crossroad in my life. The point we all at some time or another will face.

Now for me, it brings a feeling of contentment. I am relaxed being inside my own skin. Liking me as Allah has intended, not needing to compare myself to anyone’s standards. Subhan Allah, my faith has become a foundation that will support the rest of my life’s decisions. My direction is clearly defined in the Qur’an.

I have lost “friends” over my firm beliefs. Alhamdulillah I have gained the opportunity for eternal life. Yes, sure to some (who are not Muslim, and maybe even some who are) not needing what is fashionable or popular in this life may appear extreme.
I will never be the “it” person. LOL, come to think of it…was I ever? And that brings me back to my delicious day. Crossroads are simply opportunities for a new direction. You may find yourself at a cross road now. Whenever it appears, stay true to yourself. The road may be a little less traveled but, the view along the way is splendid. Oh, and the people…nothing short of wonderful!

November 6, 2009


Recently I have started a quest to find my mosque. Why it has taken me so long, who can really say? Now in my mind, I have already attended and connected with my sisters. In reality, the search has been more disappointing to say the least.

Last week I spent most of the day searching online like an amateur detective for a mosque in my area. I had Map Quest and Google in overdrive. Then it happened. I located what I thought, would be my spiritual home insha Allah.

Sleep was virtually impossible last night; I was so excited to attend Jummah. Today I was up early had a great morning…then I was off. Arriving much earlier than needed, I took the time to prayer and reflect. Slowly, sisters started arriving giving their Salam’s (some barley audible) before wandering off to find a seat.

The experience was not what I had hoped but, today’s Jummah was about the Hereafter. And that is really what should be my focus, subhan Allah for reminders. Now, will I attend this mosque again in the future? It is possible, insha Allah. What I wanted from the experience I feel was accomplished. I made my Salat standing side by side with my sisters in Islam, and listened to the khutbah.

My quest remains to find “my” mosque. It is out there and insha Allah I will not become discouraged if the greetings are less than warm or friendly. My joy and happiness can not be removed. What was my lesson from today? We were all Muslimeen gathered in one location, serving Allah (swt)!

November 3, 2009


I have fallen in love. This is an all consuming love. It has taken control over every single action of my life.

The only jealousy I encounter is time…which living in this life can often distract my attention. Islam encompasses everything perfect. Usually when a person “falls in love” they tend to loose who they are as an individual.

We (me included) try so hard to make the other persons needs, our top priority. Why? Should love decrease us as a person? Maybe as women it is easy for us to nurture and comfort others. This can often allow us to overlook what should matter most. Our connection and worship to Allah and our self.

What ever your belief or spiritual path may be is fine. Never would I force my beliefs on anyone…but, if you ask me about Islam, I am overjoyed to discuss it.

Don’t get me wrong, I will always be a romantic and adore the feeling of a loving marital relationship. But, I know that I won’t loose Nazeeha again insha Allah (God willing). And for me that was my light bulb moment!

Placing Islam before any, and everyone is crucial for me. In fact it allows me more time to be a better sister and friend insha Allah. My mind is empty of negativity and my inner space is filling with goodness. I have been a firm believer of positive thinking. Smile, no I am not sitting in a candle lit circle dreaming of fairies. Sitting here at my little desk and watching the night sky makes me happy. My life is not perfect. However among the daily little difficulties are some fabulous gifts. Solitude to read and study, visiting with my old friends and making new ones along the way. I am in love with my religion…and it is the best relationship ever. Each day I try and be a little better than yesterday. It is not always easy but, I am trying.