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January 31, 2010

The Hearts Rhythm

Where does my heart go when I abandon it? When it is intentionally starved of love and affection…yet is must remain beating to an unsure rhythm that keeps me alive.

Fragments of promises made and lies revealed are located in my mind. I keep them as reminders of what happens when I trust.

I can no longer keep my hand extended, hoping to feel yours giving me protection and comfort. May I have patience to stay firm in my beliefs while moving forward in my time, at my own pace.

Please let me never hear the words of future plans that have no foundation to build on. Today is all that I can trust, and all that I can give you.

Where does my heart go when I abandon it? It goes to a place of constant fear and worry. I feel it tighten inside my chest as if warning me of more hurt to come.

I miss conversation that is shared by two. While words have power, they can never give the intimacy of a human voice.

My heart can not trust anymore. My guard for my heart is more secure than ever, it is my responsibility to protect me…I refuse to automatically believe someone because he or she is Muslim.

It is not the faith that I question, it is the actions, which have earned this response…there has been enough damage done to my heart and my spirit. I need to rest and not react.

Where does my heart go when I abandon it? Insha Allah it turns to Allah subhana wa ta’ala…its creator. All praise to you Allah for hearing the silent cries and pleas that come directly from my soul…and giving me all that is best for me. Insha Allah I will take better care of myself Ameen.

4 comments:

ns8t said...

salam aleikum

one of the sahaba had the opinion that if Allah wanted him to awake at night to pray he would trust Allah would make it easy for him to wake. He was corrected by a servant with more knowledge, and told he still needed to make effort.

May in your situation the formula is: intention, ambition, effort, and trust in Allah. My opinion, all four are needed.

hijabandroses said...

wa Alaikum As'salam

My trust in Allah swt has never waivered. My intentions while they may not be clear to others...through my prayers they are understood insha Allah.

May we all subscribe to the "formula" of having "intention, ambition, effort and trust in Allah." As always, thank you for your comments!

Amagdy said...

Beautiful words sister, Masha' Allah. I broke up multiple times myself so I understand what you mean.

UmmHadiqah said...

As-salaamu 'Alaikum wa Rahmatu Allah wa Barakatuhu.

I've been trying to think of a proper response to this post. All I can say, wholeheartedly: I FEEL YOU.

I used to live by the motto: Trust no one. People are people and cannot help but be people. After Islam, I extended my heart...and opened it to trust my brothers and sisters. I have since had to learn to Trust the Din...and Love the ummah.

May you be blessed ukhti.