June 6, 2010

Even A Jewel Has Its Flaws

Like a slow moving breeze on a summer day, that is how I would describe my emotions recently. On my last post I expressed my feelings of loneliness. Now I know there are certain matters that we can’t control, regardless of how much effort we devote.

Usually I bounce back quickly from a little trip down melancholy lane and get on with my life. But it wasn’t as easy this time. What exactly was causing this feeling? It was me! I needed to look myself in the mirror and admit … I was slowly allowing parts of who I am, to disappear.

Becoming so rigid in my attempt to be a “good” Muslim was in fact, breaking my spirit! It was not Islam that said I have to be flawless or detach myself from life, that burden was placed on my shoulders by myself alone. If you try and hold onto anything with all of your strength, after awhile, you will only feel the pain…of holding on.

I have accepted Islam as my faith and I don’t regret my decision for one second! What I do regret is why I felt the need to do a 180 degree turn from the woman that I used to be.

I miss my creativity of making jewelry. I loved going to flea markets looking for really cool pieces of metal or old beads etc. and then creating something new and pretty. Even my style of dress! I love old vintage clothing, gauze blouses and skirts.

What I am, is a Muslim. How I dress, is modest and a personal expression. What I believe? I believe that I will be okay insha’Allah (God Willing). Often searching for a change in ones life begins when we look inward. I use to think making drastic changes in my life; I would somehow absorb the true meaning of being a Muslim, that idea was wrong.

I don’t need to hold onto Islam so tightly, trying to be perfect because, it will never happen. Instead each day is an opportunity for growth, forgiveness, patience and acceptance.

And all these things I have to learn to give to myself first. So I will release my tight grasp…because an open hand can let go of what is no longer needed. But more important, it is able to receive.

Alhamdulillah I will learn to live my life without forgetting that mixed among my flaws, there is some goodness. And that is a pretty good place to start, Allah knows best.

In a way I am like the jewelry I enjoy designing. A combination of past and present, with just the right amount of sparkle! Sometimes it’s the tiny imperfections that make one special.


ishqia said...

you have got a very important point there, sometimes in our efforts to be a good muslim we stop living, then life becomes difficult and at the end we cant even concentrate on the little ibadah that we used to do.

islam doesnt tell us to stop living, or doing those activities which please us , unless they are wrong.Along with ibadah you can continue with all positve and good activities you used to do before islam.

i think there should be a balance in everything. i believe in worshipping and doing other things along with it like cooking , pursuing good hobbies, learning interesting stuff,earning halal like jwellery designing for you.

there is a limit to the amount of ibadah one can do, and we can increase it gradually, and we should try to abstain from evil, but we should not become so strict that we stop living ,

i try to keep myself busy, because at times the bordem and loneliness force us to pursue the wrong path.

we should always have something to keep us busy and learning, something we enjoy, as well as keep good company that always reminds us of our duty towards Allah.

Mashallah that Allah has given you such good talent of designing jwellery, utilise will help you to stay away from unnecessary activities as well give u a sense of satisfaction.

hijabandroses said...

As'salamu Alaikum and thank you sister for your support.

It is good to know that I am not alone in my thinking at times. As always I enjoy your outlook. Thank you for the reminder that keeping busy, does in fact alleviate the sense of boredom and loneliness.

Jazak Allah Khairan!

ns8t said...

Nicely said. why not all of those interests become part of your worship. ALLAH gave you the ability and creativity, so use it with the name of ALLAH to express in beautiful ways? haha, i make my craft as partof my worship... we strive to flower in dignity and nobility not ascetic and diminuitive. my opinion.

hijabandroses said...

Thank you are right whatever talent that is given by Allah, is a form of worship.

When the removal of "I" is taken away and replaced with [by Allah] we indeed flourish!

Thanks again for the feedback.

Mommy Apprentice said...

Great post! Balance and finding the "middle path" are hard but essential! (hugs)

hijabandroses said...

Hugs right back to you ukhtee!