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April 1, 2010

Day by Day

My Shahada was the entrance to what has become my existence in this life. Subhan Allah I have been very blessed; there have not been intense trials which have tested me. Yet it is the small events which often erode the spirit. Replacing what used to feel content, with nagging doubts.

As much as I try to stay strong it is increasingly hard. The seductions of this life are numerous. Too often this whisper repeats over and over…What will you do when you are really tested? There are moments when I actually feel like I am in another world! When I think about it, as a Muslim I am indeed a stranger.

I have memories of when I first became a Muslim. Would this new life require more of me than I could give, and how could I tell if I was being successful? While there are many scholars in Islam, I personally don’t know them. Each day the only measure I have to judge my growth in faith, is by being sincere in performing my deeds. But more importantly, is my reaction to these fears and setbacks in my life.

For me when a sense of melancholy overtakes me, I instinctively remove myself from all outside distractions. My reaction of how I react today and how I reacted before Islam is very different.

My sole purpose is to become still. I sit and remain still until I hear the beating of my own heartbeat. This is not any form of meditation, instead it is an awe inspiring reminder that I am not in control! It is an opportunity to release my inner most fears to Allah. In the frenzy of daily life, stillness is a welcome retreat and to me a form of worship.

The Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) said “Verily, I have left among you the book of Allah, if you hold fast to it, you shall never go astray.” The Sealed Nectar

When or how I handle a severe test of faith, Allah knows best. For now searching for that inner stillness and reading the Qur’an is my comfort. May Allah give me what will increase me in faith, and may all my trials be a lesson and a healing…Ameen

2 comments:

Irendi3786 said...

Hi....I stumbled across your blog by happenstance...but am grateful for the reminder that Allah is control- not I.

hijabandroses said...

As'salamu Alaikum and welcome. Jazak Allah Khairam any benefit is from Allah SWT. Thank you so much for your comments.