April 18, 2010

It's Not Always Friendship

Recently I have revisited my definition of friendship. All too many times we (me included) are quick to use the word friendship in describing someone we are in fact, only well acquainted. True friendships are rare. They are developed over time and life experiences, not by following a person on a social network.

Usually I am a mellow personality…and this may be the problem. I blame myself for believing that each person I meet or have contact with…is automatically my “friend.” Let me state for the record that belief has been greatly diminished.

My lifestyle is uncomplicated and relaxed, with very little room for theatrics! Somewhere along the way, I have allowed other “sisters and brothers” to make me feel guilty. I have been made to feel guilty for not adhering to their way of thinking. If I follow or un-follow certain people on Twitter for example, comments are made.

Friendships for me are the most valuable relationships, other than husband and wife. Subhan Allah we are advised in Islam to befriend our sister and brother. We are told that we are all united by our faith…while this is true; it does not mean there won’t be conflict of opinions or major personality differences. We as Muslims are individuals, who share the same religion. However, sharing one’s faith…does not obligate us to be instant friends.

For any sisters or brothers who feel I have offended, or wronged them in the past I sincerely apologize. If I decide not to continue a social relationship with a person…that is my option. And I should not be made to keep explaining why.

So I am removing myself from high school behavior. I didn’t play the mind games then, and I certainly am not going to start at this time in my life. The only things I need in this dunya, I have already received. Alhamdulillah whatever else Allah SWT ordains I will be forever grateful, and what He forbids…I know is best.

My grandma use to tell me to be careful in speaking, when you are too tired or upset. She would say once some words are spoken, they can’t always be easily forgiven or forgotten.

Taking time to think before I speak has proven to be one of life’s best lessons insha’Allah. To my sisters and brothers in Islam, I love you for the sake of Allah as I am required. For my friends (which are very few) I love you…plain and simple.


Mommy Apprentice said...

This was a post I read more than one time and I really reflected on it before I could comment.

In all honesty I was one of those people on Twitter who was sad when you unfollowed me. I mean my feelings were really hurt (blame pregnancy hormones LOL). It's laughable now.

As I thought about it more and more I realized I had such a strong reaction because I knew I needed to do some friendship revisions of my own. Everyone is not cut out to be friends whether that is cyber-fiends or friends in real life and that's okay. It doesn't mean there is any rancour there or that you cannot appreciate specific things about that person.

After I made my revisions and changed my philosophy on friendship I feel infinitely lighter!

Thank you for this post.

ma'a salaamah!

hijabandroses said...

{Hugs} Oh sister I didn't think you gave it a second thought when I unfollowed you. I have to admit I felt a bit had so many friends, and I didn't always have much to say.

Being an older sister I don't have small children to discuss, or a DH, so I was feeling like the 3rd wheel so to speak. So I quietly went out the door and didn't come back.

I ask your forgiveness for letting my insecurity possible stop a good friendship Allahu Alim. (smile)

Thank you sister for this post, it makes me realize in this instance...I reacted to soon. Masha Allah you are feeling a new energy and MABROOK on the pregnancy. Or did you have the baby yet?

See, If I had not unfollowed...I would know this already LOL.

Jazak Allah Khairan

Mommy Apprentice said...

{hugs back} It's fine ukhtee wallahi (now lol). I obviously had the wrong idea because I thought you unfollowed me because I'm not as conservative. So I apologize to you for the assumption.

I actually left twitter for awhile and recently just came back with a lot less "friends". I have a pretty diverse group of friends on twitter and I enjoy learning from and about everyone. I still occasionally check out your tweets and benefit from them :).

I am still pregnant LOL. Insha Allah the baby will be here next month.

Alhamdulillah we still have this venue to communicate.

Asalaamu alaykum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu

hijabandroses said...

Masha Allah ukhti. I will keep you in my prayers that you have a continued healthy and safe delivery!

I will email you...this isn't the place for all girl talk.

Take care and keep cool during this heat...make some of your delicious smoothies.